In all other blog posts I write either sitting or reclining. Tonight I write my blog post only while reclining.
Before I tell you about our holiday, I must convey my great disappointment in learning that my beloved candy fruit slices don’t actually have any fruit in them. I was consoling myself about polishing off a box (sshh! My daughter thinks I only bought two boxes; she doesn’t know about that hidden third box that is now empty) with the fact that I must at least be getting a smidgen of Vitamin C, but alas my orange fruit slices are orange-less.
We are in the midst of that great Jewish holiday, the Festival of Crumbs. My house is coated in a fine layer of matzah dust and we’re only a halfway in. My kids actually like matzah and they eat it while roaming the house, no matter how much I threaten that I will put the crumbs in their beds if they don’t stop. I’m pretty sure my kids don’t shower enough to notice an extra layer of crunch between their sheets, even though my 4th grader’s class recently was given “the talk” by the school nurse, in which they were informed they need to shower every night and use deodorant. My girl was quite excited to be old enough for “the talk.” Not that it changed her shower-only-when-yelled-at shower schedule. But I have noticed her smelling her armpits more often.
The weekend before Passover we were at a family wedding out of town, and I was a little stressed about how I was going to get our seder for 12 people organized. And then, a day later, it became a seder for 17. But I have to say, when the day before Passover, it became a seder for 21, I pretty much chilled. No need to fret that the night might be chaos; with 21 of us, it was pretty much guaranteed to be chaos. So why worry about it?
Passover is really pretty much the same every year, in which I prepare and then it all goes for naught:
Preparing for Passover: This year I’m going to find some really meaningful new passages to include in our haggadah (which is homemade).
Reality of Passover: Heh, this dirty limerick is going to be a real crowd pleaser!
Preparing for Passover: This year we’re going to get through all the verses of “Who Knows One”!
Reality of Passover: What time is it? Okay, kids, just sing the last two verses of “Who Knows One.”
Preparing for Passover: This year I’m going to start early and really do a spring cleaning. This house is gross after we’ve been cooped up all winter.
Reality of Passover: I sell the hametz, right? So while you may think you see crumbs in the drawers, they aren’t really there. At least, they don’t belong to me! (By the way, apparently “One who keeps the sold chametz in his or her household must seal it away so that it will not be visible during the holiday.” In theory that’s a great idea. In reality, I just stick all our chametz in jail made of masking tape. It is a sad day when the bourbon has to go to bourbon jail for eight days.)
Preparing for Passover: Oh my gosh, this is the BEST haroset ever! I’m going to make a ton so that what I can eat it all week.
Reality of Passover, Day 2: Ugh, no more haroset! Make it go away!
Generally speaking the seder was a success. I made an afikomen scavenger hunt with such great clues as “Where the three Judahites named in the Beastie Boys’ song ‘Shadrach’ are thrown” (the fiery furnace, where the next clue was taped) and “Book: He was a whale of a guy; Chapter: The loneliest number; Verse: It’s not just unlucky; it’s A-Rod!” (Jonah 1:13 speaks of rowing and we have a rowing machine). Kept the kids busy for a while. I used the Maggid story from The Unorthodox Haggadah, which includes great theories on why aliens must have built the pyramids. And I had desserts. So. Many. Desserts. I was sad it was the last year I’d get my “Made with pride on the Lower East Side” matzah, as Streit’s is moving to the burbs. But I stocked up on it, so I could enjoy that Lower East side water for one final year (they always claimed that the New York water made their matzah superior).
To those who celebrate, I wish you a wonderful rest-of-Passover. To those who don’t celebrate, I urge you to hurry to your local drug store and stock up on half-price Peeps. Because Passover ends at sundown on Saturday, and I’m going to be looking for Peeps. I mean, Peeps are chicks, right? So they totally have protein in them. They’ll go great with my vitamin-laden fruit slices. Pesach Sameach!
